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I love spending time with my sister and my niece and nephew.  I’m very fortunate that they only live 20 minutes from me and I get to see them a lot.  The only thing I don’t like about going to my sister’s house is her driveway.  It begins as a single car driveway, and then spreads out wide enough for two cars.  There’s also a gate at the beginning of the driveway that is responsible for the whole mess I’m going to tell you about.  The reason I hate my sister’s driveway is because your car gets trapped when someone parks at the end of the driveway.  

So, last weekend, I go over to my sister’s house to babysit the kids and I pull up to the front of the driveway as usual.  I was babying sitting them because my sister is a police officer and she had an extra job to go to.  When my sister came home later that day, she pulled in the driveway, blocking my car.  When I went to leave, I saw that I was going to have to play musical cars to get mine out.

I went inside to ask my sister to move her cop car when I saw that the keys to her car were laying on the counter.  I knew my sister was tired after working a long shift, so I figured I could move her car for her.  I grabbed the keys and went outside to unblock the driveway.  I got in the car and started to back out.  The problem was that the gate wasn’t completely open all of the way and I accidentally hit it with my sister’s cop car.  Opps!

I went inside to tell my sister and she was not happy with me.  Apparently, when an officer damages their patrol car, it’s a big mess for them to deal with.  I of course apologized to my sister profusely, but I’m no longer allowed to park in the driveway.

I’m extending my Christmas celebration because I feel Christmas should last a whole week, but of course, I’m celebrating Star Wars stye!

Here’s some Star Wars Memes I found on the web that I thought were really funny:

 

Also, here are some awesome YouTube Videos I found.

Star Wars – Christmas in the Stars (1980) [FULL ALBUM]

This is the Star Wars Christmas Album that came out in 1980.

 

Star Wars Holiday Special, The (1978) [Nice Copy]

This is the Star Wars Holiday Movie Special that came on television in 1978.

 

Christmas on Tatooine (Star Wars song)

This is a funny parody song you should check out

 

If you sent any other Star Wars Christmas stuff that you like, please feel free to post a link in the comments!

For this weeks interview section, I thought I’d share a conversation I had with my four year old niece, Raimey as she scolded me for breaking my leg.

Me: Hey Raimey

Raimey: Aunt Stephanie, why did you go and break your leg?

Me: Well, I didn’t do it on purpose Raimey, it was an accident.

Raimey: Well, that’s what you get for running on the stairs.

Me: But I wasn’t running on the stairs.  I just slipped on the top step and fell down the stairs.  Who told you I was running?

Raimey: No one told me.  I just know that you did.  Mommy always tells me not to run on the stairs or I might get hurt, so that must be what you were doing.

Me: Well, I just want you to know I wasn’t running on the stairs.

Raimey: Well I just want you to know that I told everyone you were so you must have been running on the stairs.

Me: I give up!

Raimey:  Okay!  Love you Aunt Stephanie!

I have to park in a parking garage at my work.  It has it’s benefits like being covered when it’s raining and your car being cooler in the Summer time.  Wanna know what I hate the most about parking garages?  (You’re about to find out so you might as well say yes.)  I hate when I’m driving around looking for a spot, and then I see one so I get excited, until I go to pull in and there’s a damn compact car already in the spot.  I couldn’t see it because the driver pulled all the way up to the front of the parking spot.  Who does that?  How much of an inconsiderate jerk do you have to be?  There should be a rule that all cars must align with the back of the parking spot so that I don’t get excited for no reason.  It’s  just the right thing to do and everybody knows that. 

If someone didn’t park in the back of the spot that should get something put behind their car to prevent them from getting out.  In order to get whatever that would be moved, they would have to apologize over a loud speaker that you could hear all over the garage AND give out their license plate number for others to retaliate if they so choose.  If you embarrass them enough times and their car gets keyed a couple of times, they’ll probably quit doing it.  I know this may sound a bit extreme, but when I’m running late for work, the last think I need is false hope that I’m actually going to find a spot on the lower levels and be on time (which is rare enough already).

Pedro and I just want to wish all of you a very merry Christmas.  We’re celebrating this super awesome holiday by wearing our matching Star Wars Pajamas from PajamaGram.  If this surprises you in any way, you obviously haven’t been reading my posts.  Also, we got matching hats!  Pedro got me these for Christmas.  Yes, my dog gives me Christmas presents.  I’m sorry if your dog doesn’t love you as much and gives you nothing on Christmas.  I’m going to cut this post short so I can go spend time with the family.  Have a very special Christmas!

 

Dear Santa Paws,

How is the North Poll?  It’s cold, I bet.  Does your human make you wear one of those goofy sweaters too?

I have been a very good dog this year.  If my mommy told you something different, it’s only because she’s a compulsive liar.  In fact, I have been so good this year, that I am certain Santa will want to bring me a few extra gifts on Christmas.  I know my mommy will have some gifts for me too, but it’s usually boring stuff like a coat and a new collar.  I’m counting on Santa to bring me the good stuff, so here is what I would like for Christmas:

1) Squeaky toys – The louder they squeak, the better.  I can tell my mommy likes loud squeaky toys too because she always wakes up to listen to them when I play with them at night while I lay in her bed right next to her.

2) Meaty Treats – We dogs are carnivores! So, we should get treats with real meat in them, and not those kind that mix in dumb fruits and vegetables like pumpkin and bananas.  In fact, just bring me a package of bacon for my human to cook for me.  That’s what I really want!

3) A heated dog bed – I don’t know if these exist yet or not, but I figure if they can make heated seats in cars, they should be able to do the same for dogs.  I’m all for equality darnit!

4) Doggy leg warmers -Yeah right!  No dog wants that for Christmas!

5) A year-round indoor bathroom – Tell my human to keep the Christmas up the whole year.  It’s really nice to be able to go indoors and not to have to go outside in the freezings cold or burning heat of Summer.  Not that I peed on the Christmas this year, just saying it should be considered.  If you smell pee on the Christmas tree while you are leaving my presents, it was the cat, not me.  I swear!

Feliz Navidad,

Pedro

Pedro got his picture taken with Santa Clause in his Christmas PJ’s.  He didn’t look too happy about it.  In fact, he looks kinda pissed!

I just wanted to apologize to everyone for not posting anything last week.  It was quite an eventful week!  I slipped on a step on my stair case and fell down the stairs, breaking my leg.  I have three breaks in my fibula and a torn tendon.  I’ll be having surgery soon so if you could please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, I would really appreciate it.  This is the first time I’ve ever had an injury like this and it hurts like a MoFo.  Go ahead and use that in your prayer for me!  Here’s a sample prayer you can use:

Dear God,

Please alleviate Stephanie’s MoFo pain,

Don’t let her die during surgery,

Help keep her from whining about her leg too much,

And give me the best leg breaking jokes to make fun of her (to make her laugh of course, not to be mean.)

Amen

I dabble in writing poetry every once in a while.  I’m not very good at it, but hey, if I only did stuff I was good at, I would never do anything at all!  Okay, maybe I would do math all day.  The point is that it’s okay to suck at something and still do it.  As long as you’re enjoying it, that’s all that matters.  So I wrote a few adult-level poems about Star Wars and I’m going to share them with you to illustrate the point I am trying to make.  Feel free to let me know what you think of them!  Unless you don’t like them, then you should keep your comments to yourself.  My mother always said if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  She also says everyone picks on me because they’re jealous of me.  So her advice is spot on!

 

Roses are red, Yoda is Green

Roses are red

Yoda is green,

I bet your lightsaber needs two hands

If you know what I mean.

 

Emphysema Love

Darth Vader had a sexy voice,

And if I ever had a choice

I would like to listen to,

His heavy breathing with you

Or we could make our own sexy noise.

 

May the “Force” Be With Us

Whenever you smile

I get hot for a while,

I feel frozen in carbonite

Will I see you tonight?

Obi-Wan taught you nice

How to use your light saber twice,

May the force be in the room

But hopefully not too soon.

Jump me into hyperspace

When I kiss your luscious…face,

I can wear a gold bikini for you

Love me, is all you have to do.

My heart often skips a beat

Because you’re Jedi tricks are neat.

So ho ho ho day is coming up.  I’m not talking about Halloween when it’s okay to dress like a total slut without being one.  I’m talking about Christmas.  And since Christmas is right around the corner, who better to interview than Santa himself!  It was hard to catch up with him this time of year but I managed to grab a few minutes with him.

Me: Oh my God, Santa Clause!  I can’t believe I’m getting to meet you!

Santa Clause:  Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!

Me: So it’s true!  You really do exist!

Santa Clause: Of course I exist young lady.

Me: Then why haven’t you brought me any presents for over thirty years?

Santa: Have you been naughty this year?

Me: No, but I can be if Mrs. Clause doesn’t mind and it will get me presents. [laughs]

Santa: Oh wow!  What would you like for Christmas?

Me: Um, I really want this super expensive dress at Macy’s and definitely some new shoes that match!

Santa: Okay, then.  Smile for the camera!

Me: You brought a photographer to this interview?  That’s so awesome.  Can I get a copy of the picture for my blog?

Santa:  You can for $25.  Ho! Ho! Ho!

Me: What?

Santa: Look lady, I don’t know what you deal is, but you have to get off my lap now.  There’s a ton of kids waiting and the department store pays me based on the number of pictures I sell.  Merry Christmas!

Me: You mean you’re not the real Santa?

Santa: Of course not.  I retired from my crappy job too soon and now I need more money.  This was the only gig I could get at my age.

I felt heart broken as I walked away.  I so thought I was interviewing the real deal.  Oh well.  At least I got a free candy cane and an overpriced picture out of the interview.

 

I have never felt so lucky to be unwed as I was checking out the profiles on this site.

I was at dinner with one of my older nieces this past weekend and we were talking about husbands, or the lack of one in my case.  I was looking around the restaurant when I told her I was husband shopping.  She told me I should get a mail order husband from Russia or something.  I wondered if they had anything like that, so we pulled out our phones and began looking for mail-order husband websites.  We found exactly one.  The selection of men available on this site was pretty pathetic.  My favorite one was the guy who would only be bought by a woman named “Julie” so it would match the tattoo that he already has.  Nooooo thanks.  Guys, if you’re ever having a bad self-esteem day, just go to this site http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order/.  It will definitely make you feel better about yourself.  I have never felt so lucky to be unwed as I was checking out the profiles on this site.  It definitely puts things into perspective.  The thing that angers me is that this is all we get to choose from!  There are dozens of mail order wife sites with beautiful, exotic women you can purchase and try to force yourself to love.  That is so sexist!  I want equality!  I want a good-looking, European model guy that likes to cook and clean and demands that he gets to give me a massage every night.  Is that too much to ask for?