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So today at work, my coworker walks into the break room and tells me that her two-year-old son went “poo poo” on the potty for the first time this morning.  She followed up this announcement with a “Yay!” and clapped her hands several times.  And I was like, big deal!  I crap on the toilet every day.  If that’s the most impressive thing your kid can do, you might want to get him checked out by a specialist.  He might be a little slow.  I mean, it took him two years to figure out how to crap in a toilet?  I had my dog completely potty trained by the time he was three months old.  Plus, the fact that I don’t have any kids should clue her in that I really don’t care, and that I’m not interested in her son’s bowel movements.  She made the statement like it was a pivotal moment in her life.  If this is what happens to people who have kids, count me out!  In fact, I’m going to start taking two birth control pills every night just to be on the safe side.

I love Reggae music and my favorite Reggae band is Rebelution, so I was supper excited when they dropped a new album a few month ago.  The album is titled “Free Rein” and is has 12 new awesome tracks.  My favorite track is “Rise on Top”.  It has a unique Reggae feel and great lyrics.  I give it 4 out of 5 stars only because Rebelution has released so many great songs and it’s tough to top what they’ve already done.   If you’re a Reggae fan, you should totally check it out.  And if you’re not a Reggae fan, you should still check it out because everyone should love Reggae music.  Just sayin’.

I recently decided to learn how to cook.  My diet up until now has consisted of donuts, corn dogs, Little Debbie snack cakes, and churros (my favorite dessert).  Yes, I know, I eat like a five-year-old.  Apparently, your metabolism starts to slow down as you get older and a diet such as this makes you gain weight.  So I decided to try the Clean Diet which is all natural, organic, unprocessed foods.  It requires a lot of time in the kitchen, but the food is healthy and tastes delicious.  Check out my dinner from last night. I made Spice-Rubbed Salmon with Citrus Salsa and fresh steamed green beans.  I really think I should get one of those white Chef’s hats for this meal.  It tasted amazing and it felt really good to eat big people food for a change.

Who would think to mix Star Wars with rap music?  Well, apparently Whitney Avalon did.  In one of her Princess Rap Battle videos on YouTube, she has Princess Leia duke it out with Galadriel from Lord of the Rings in one of the funniest rap battles I’ve ever seen.  Whitney came up with some very clever lyrics in this video.  She’s definitely a talented rapper (especially for a white girl).  My favorite line is when Galadriel says, “After Jabba’s evil tongue, she should know when you’re licked!”  For a good time (I’m talking about getting a good chuckle, not getting laid perverts!), be sure to check out this video (see link below).

I hate school zones.  They make me late to work (don’t suggest I get up earlier because it’s never going to happen – I’m not a morning person).  As I sat in one this morning on my way to work, I began to wonder if school zones are even necessary.  I believe that they are not and that they are actually harming our children.  Here’s why.  We all know that America has a problem with childhood obesity.  In fact, it has become an epidemic.  Maybe the cause behind this is that we don’t make them run enough.  Maybe they just need more exercise.  If there were no school zones, kids would have to run for their life every day.  I don’t know about you, but if I knew I was going to have to run for my life twice a day, I would totally make sure I could do it, which would mean more exercise for the children.  Plus, I would actually get to work on time for once.  It’s a simple win-win situation for everyone!

I watched a really funny movie this past weekend.  I don’t know how it missed it when it first came out.  It’s an older movie, but it’s new to me, so I’m going to review it anyway.  It was Me, Myself, and Irene with Jim Carey.   This movie is funny on all kinds of levels.  You have adultery, mental diseases, midget sex, and bastard children.  What isn’t funny about all of that?  Jim Carey does a bang up job in this movie.  I like most of his movies, but a few of them lack a real plot and are just really Jim Carey acting goofy for two hours.  Me, Myself, and Irene, however, is not one of those movies.  It has a great story line and numerous funny moments in the movie.  I give it 4 out of 5 stars.  If you didn’t see it before, check it out.  I’m sure you’ll laugh a lot like I did.  If you did see it before, just watch it again because I said so! (Don’t I totally sound like your mom right now?) Enjoy this classic and let me know what you think.

This is Pedro.  He’s a senior Chihuahua mix that I adopted from a shelter about two years ago.  He came potty trained, crate trained, and leash trained.  He is one of the most social dogs I have ever seen and he’s very affectionate and sweet.  Why did I name him Pedro, you ask?  I figured that since he was Hispanic, he should have a Hispanic name.  And how do I know he’s Hispanic you’re wondering?  He’s a Chihuahua.  The breed originated in Chihuahua, Mexico.  That’s where they got their name.  Was my dog born in Mexico?  No.  But neither are a lot of the Hispanics in our country, yet they still consider themselves Hispanic.  So my dog can too!  Anyways, the point of this story is that senior shelter dogs can make excellent family members so give them a chance.  You’re likely to end up with a great dog like Pedro.  Plus, old dogs like to sleep a lot which is more conducive to my lifestyle.

I love Star Wars!  Call me a nerd or whatever else you want, but there’s no way I will ever quit liking Star Wars.  I love it so much, I’m going to blog about it every week.  But I’m going to mix it with other topics in case you have the misfortune of not liking Star Wars.  That way everyone is happy (I’m such a damn people pleaser).  This week’s Star Wars topic is dating.  Check out this YouTube video of Star Wars speed dating.  My favorite pick up line is when Chewbacca says “Sup girl”.  Be sure to check out what’s going on in the background because it contains some of the best parts.  I feel like this video resembles my real dating life, which makes me feel a little pathetic, but also provides some great comic relief.  I hope you find it funny too (the video, not my dating life).

Star Wars & Speed Dating

For my first throat punch Thursday, I think people who kidnap old people should be shot.  Here’s why.  So I was driving to work this morning and there was a silver alert on the road sign that normally tells you how many minutes it will take to get to the loop.  I started to wonder who in the hell is stealing all of these old people, and why?  But more so, I was wondering how many minutes it was going to take me to get to the loop because I was running late for work.  I swear, kidnappers are so inconsiderate!

I recently read a great comedy book titled, “People I want to Punch in the Throat” by Jen Mann.  The book contains a collection of funny stories about the author’s personal life regarding being a wife and mom.  This book was hysterical and well written.  Many of the stories in the book surrounded kids which I’m usually not a fan of since I don’t have any kids, but the way in which Jen Mann wrote it kept me laughing.  She’s definitely not your typical suburbia mom and her experiences will crack you up.  I give this book 5 out of 5 stars!