Author: Stephanie Walters

Warning: Major rant coming!

I was in a meeting with this doctor at my work the other day, and he quickly became a prime candidate for a throat punch.  He talked to me like I was an imbecile just because I hadn’t go to medical school.  The fact that he has “M.D.” after his name has led him to believe that he can be a total asshole to people because supposedly he’s smarter than all of us finance nerds.  He even acted like he knew more about hospital finance that I did.  Well, I have news for you doc: I may not have gone to medical school, but I spent eight years in college learning my craft too and I understand way more about the finances of a hospital and what keeps it running  better than you ever will. I don’t tell you how to treat your patients so don’t tell me how to analyze the hospital’s finances.  I wanted to throat punch him so bad, but I also like having a place to live, so I decided I needed to keep my job.  I don’t even think a throat punch would have been sufficient in this situation.  I wanted to punch him right in the kidney.  From what I’ve heard, that’s one of the most painful spots to get punched.

Then a thought occurred to me.  Why was I letting this doctor get to me so much?  He was just a stupid jerk.  When I find myself pondering these things, I often try to think about what Yoda would do.  Yoda, the wisest Jedi in the universe, surely would not allow this doctor prick to get the best of him.  I asked myself, “What would Yoda do?”  The answer came quickly and so I hit the doctor on the head with a lightsaber.  May the force be with you!

I journal a lot.  Somehow when I vomit the crap swirling around in my head onto paper, it doesn’t seem so bad or crazy anymore.  I like pondering how I can see things in a more positive light.  I also like to curse a lot.  That’s why this guided journal by Monica Sweeney was perfect for me.  The exercises in this book really helped turn my day around in several circumstances and the way it was written (using a ton of curse words) was something I can relate to.  It gave me the warm fuzzies without having to feel like a total dork.  It was real…..and really funny!  So if you like to journal, or even better, if you hate journaling all together, check out this book.  You may start to actually enjoy it, one f*cking page at a time.

I was dating this guy recently who dropped the “L” bomb on me in a text message after we had only been dating for a few weeks.  I don’t use the word “Love” lightly and I didn’t want to say it back to him when I didn’t mean it.  Plus, I’m pretty sure he only said it because he was trying to get into my pants and he hadn’t gotten very far in that arena.  I don’t have commitment issues or anything, I just think that when you say “I love you” to someone, you should mean it.  As you can probably tell from my blogs, I’m not always very good at spot-on-the-moment responses.  So all I could think of to say to this guy was “Cool!”  His response was, “Really?”  Our relationship fizzled out shortly after that.  But it got me thinking on possible responses in this situation.  Here are 10 that I came up with:

1) Cool!

2) Thanks!

3) I kinda like you too.

4) 😊

5) I really appreciate that!

6) Awe, that’s sweet of you.

7) Right back at ya!

8) That’s good to know.

9) Ok

10) Just pretend like you missed what he/she said and change the conversation.

You may need to employ more than one of these responses to avoid an uncomfortable situation.  I have found that changing the subject after one of these responses tends to work well.  I hope you might find these useful also.  Let me know how it works out for you!

I’ll admit it.  I love personality quizzes, especially the ones that align you with a particular character from current pop culture.  So, naturally I went digging on the internet to find some Star Wars quizzes.  Here are a few that I found that seem pretty cool.  I’m curious to see your results too, so leave a comment and let me know!

Time Magazine:  The Ultimate Star Wars Quiz: Find Out Which Character Matches Your Personality

This quiz asks 27 questions based on 14 different aspects of your personality.  I got Finn!

MagiQuiz: Which Star Wars Character Matches Your Personality?

This quiz is only 12 questions.  According to this quiz, I am Han Solo!

Zimbio: Which ‘Star Wars’ Character Are You?

This 30 question test matched me to Luke Skywalker! 

So far, every quiz had matched me to a dude.I wonder what that means.Then I took the last quiz which made perfect sense.

Gamesradar: Which Star Wars Character are You?

This quiz is only 9 questions, but it matched me to my hero, Princess Leia, so it must be the most accurate one!

For this weeks interview, I wanted to interview someone notorious for helping people.  Who else would meet this criteria than Robin Hood?  He stole from the rich and gave to the poor.  I was fascinated to find out what made him so philanthropic towards poor people.   Here’s what he said:

Me:  Hello Robin Hood.  I’m so excited to meet you.

Robin:  Oh, please call me Robin.

Me: Okay Robin.  So what I really want to know is what gave you the idea to steal from the rich and give to the poor.

Robin:  Well, I myself and my family grew up very poor and I know how bad it sucks.  (Laughs)

Me:  Many people say you were the inspiration for modern day welfare.  What do you have to say about that?

Robin: I don’t know about that.  I didn’t really have a system like that in my mind when I started stealing from the rich.  It just seemed like they had so much and I had very little so it only made sense to even things out.

Me: You mean the poor people had very little and you wanted to help all poor people, right?

Robin Hood: Not really.  Look lady, the truth is that I stole for myself.  I hid my loot at poor people’s houses until it was safe to sale it at a Pawn Shop.  I paid the poor people only a little bit because I knew they were desperate and would do it.

Me: Wow, I never would have thought that.  Everyone always talks about what a hero you were.

Robin Hood:  Well, I am sort of a hero….at the casino.  I have a bit of gambling problem so I’m always at the casino.  I got a huge jackpot on a slot machine once and set a record, so I am a bit of a celebrity at the casino.  I totally mastered that quarter slot machine.  I constantly lose at the rest of the games which is why I need more money.

Me:  So, let me get this straight.  You’re addicted to gambling, but you’re obviously not very good at it.  So you started stealing from rich people to get more money to gamble with.  You try to hide it from the cops so you keep it at poor people’s houses and hardly give them anything for helping you to conceal your crime.  Then you waste the money you steal at the casino.  Is that correct?

Robin:  Yep.  Hey, have you been to that new casino in Atlantic City?  Maybe you and I could go check it out together sometime. (He winked at me in a super creepy way.)

Me: Yeah, I don’t think so.  Thanks for the interview.  Call me never!

So I know according to the traffic laws and everything, that Pedestrians always have the right of way, but that seems odd to me.  I mean, in order to survive in this world, you have to be stronger than your opponent.  Obviously, cars are stronger than people, therefore, by nature they should have the right away.  Here are 10 Reasons why Pedestrians should yield the right of way to cars:

1. If a car runs into a person, the person will be the one to get hurt.  If a person runs into a car, the person will still be the one who gets hurt.
2. If someone is walking, they obviously are not in a big hurry, so they shouldn’t be slowing down cars that are doing something important like getting to the McDonald’s drive thru before the dinner rush backs the drive thru line up.
3. Many people who are walking do not have cars because they are poor.  People with cars must have at least some money.  Everyone knows that the richer you are in America, the more important you are.
4. Rarely do pedestrians wave to thank a car that allowed them to cross the street instead of running them over.  Pedestrians have become very self-entitled, probably because they have no souls.  We don’t need any more of these types of people in our society.
5. Cars are way faster than walking which makes transportation more efficient.  People who are walking are inefficient, and therefore, probably not that smart.
6. Jay walking can be a big problem and result in unnecessary injuries.  This is easily avoidable by giving cars the right away.  If a pedestrian knows a car is not going to stop for them, they are less likely to cross the street, especially after the first few pedestrians are run over.
7. Our society has developed an obesity problem which is directly due to poor diet and lack of exercise.  If people were forced to run for their lives in order to cross the street, they would probably be more likely to get and stay in shape.
8. When a car drives through a puddle that splashes a pedestrian, it is likely to ruin the pedestrians day.  This would encourage them to buy a car so that they can be the one driving through a big puddle splashing people.
9. Walking is way more likely to cause foot problems later in life that driving.  Pushing on a peddle is way easier on the feet than walking in heels to get to work.  Therefore, by forcing people to drive, you are actually doing them a favor.
10. Some of us are not morning people and end up running late for work quite often.  We don’t need pedestrians  slowing us down.  Being late for work causes a whole lot of problems that will ultimately affect walkers in a negative way.  If I’m late for my job, I could get fired.  If I get fired, I would not be able to pay my bills.  If I don’t pay my bills, I could end up homeless.  If I were homeless, I would probably end up living on a street corner.  While I stood on the street corner, I would beg the pedestrians for money, and nobody likes that.  

So you see, it is in the best interest of the pedestrians to give cars the right away.  I’m going to take this argument to my senator and you should too.  If we’re going to make the world a better place, we are going to need to get a new law passed: The pedestrian sucks so don’t give a f*ck law.  What do you think?

As you know, I am a huge Star Wars fan (yes, even Episode I with Jar Jar Binks).  I will watch anything Star Wars.  I like some of the movies more than others but in my mind, any Star Wars movie is awesome and worth watching.  So far, there are 8 main Star Wars movies and 2 spin-off or Star Wars Story movies.  Or are there?  There happens to be a few movies that you may not be aware of.  These movies were made early in the Star Wars franchise history and went straight to TV.  Two of these movies were a spin-off for the Ewoks.

The two Ewok movies consist of The Caravan of Courage and The Battle for Endor.  These two movies make up the Ewok Adventures.  So, let’s just be honest.  These two movies went straight to TV for a reason.  The acting isn’t super awesome and they are classic B-rated movies.  But somehow, the poor acting, unbelievable special effects, and unlikely story lines are so bad, that it makes these movies awesome!  They are totally cult classics that every Star Wars fan (and all of their closest friends) have to see.

They can be a bit tricky to find on DVD but you can buy them used through the Amazon market place or on Ebay (which is where I bought mine).  So do yourself a favor and watch these movies at least once.  Next time there is a rainy day and you don’t feel like doing anything, watch these movies.  They are guaranteed to lift your spirits.  If nothing else, they will definitely give you a few laughs and something to talk about at the next party you go to.

If you are a true Star Wars fan, you’ll watch them.  Just sayin…..

So we had a little run-in with CPS today.  I was baby-sitting my nieces yesterday at my sisters house and two of those little boogers find her Tums and ate almost the whole bottle because they thought it was candy.  Needless to say, the stomachs didn’t feel so great last night and this morning.  One of the girls is six and the other one is three.  So the six-year-old goes to kindergarten and after she got to school today, she asked her teacher if she could go to the nurse.  When her teacher asked her what was wrong, my sweet niece told her that her stomach hurt because her aunt let her eat all of her mom’s acid the day before.  This, of course, did not go over well with her teacher, because a little while later, my sister got a phone call from the school counselor.  She wanted to know what had happened and to inform my sister that she was required to notify CPS in a situation like this.

My extremely embarrassed sister explained that the kids ate her ANTacids because they thought they were candy, and she assured the counselor that she and her husband did not do acid, nor have any in their house.  The counselor said she understood, but that CPS wanted to talk to my niece still to have a thorough investigation.  When they asked my niece what she and her sister ate, she told them it was acid.  They asked her if it might have been antacids instead and she replied, “That’s what I said.  I ate all of my mom’s acid!”

Eventually, everything got cleared up and CPS closed the case.  I, on the other hand, will never be allowed to forget that this occurred on my watch.  I am fully willing to accept the blame, but I just want to point out that I’m not the one who left the Tums within the kids reach, I just wasn’t paying attention to what they were doing; AND, it could have been way worse!  Like, I could have brought real acid over for the kids.  So, as usual, everyone made a big deal over something minor.  Typical parents!

I love funny songs.  Combining music with humor is sure to put a smile on my face everytime.  When I saw these Star Wars Song Parody’s on YouTube, I was natually very excited.  Then, as I watched them, I couldn’t stop laughing.  The people who came up with these are geniuses.  I like Parodies because it allows the artist to be lazy by stealing something someone else did and tweaking it a bit to make it funny.  I’m all about working smarter, not harder.  Or even better, not working at all (especially while I’m at work).  So check out these videos on YouTube, and be sure to watch them while you are at work with the volume turned all the way up.  It’ll be a great social experiment to see how many of your coworkers start avoiding you, which could also be a good thing. (Hint: Click on the screen shots to see the videos.)

Hello (from the dark side) (Adele’s “Hello”)

Last Jedi Knight (Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night”)

I Hate Sand (Weezer’s “Island in the Sun”)

Bohemian Rhapsody: Star Wars Edition (Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”)

All About that Base (Meghan Trainor’s “All About that Base”)

One of my absolute favorite things to eat is Little Debbie Snakes.  I don’t  know how Little Debbie has come up with so many great recipes.  She truly must be a genius.  I really wanted to interview her but I couldn’t find her number on the web.  Then I had an idea!  I looked on a box of Moon Pies and saw a 1-800 number under the phrase saying “Contact Us!”  Super excited to have a way to talk to her, I called the number right away to see if she would do a phone interview with me.  Here’s how it went:

Little Debbie: How may I direct your call? [The first thing I noticed was that Little Debbie’s voice  was not what I expected.  She sounded really urban.]

Me: I’m trying to reach Little Debbie please.

Little Debbie: Well, you called the right place.  What can I do for you?

Me: Oh, I have so many questions for you!

Little Debbie: Great. [In a sarcastic tone that I missed initially]

Me: So my first question is, which snack cake is your favorite to eat yourself?

Little Debbie:  Are you kidding?  I’m don’t eat that junk.  It’s full of sugar and goes straight to my thighs.  

Me: You don’t eat your own snack cakes?  Wow!  I would never have guessed that.  How did you come up with the recipe for Oatmeal Creme Pies?  Those are my favorite!

Little Debbie:  Sir, I don’t think I can answer that for you.  The recipes are top secret.  I just answer the phone when people call.

Me: Oh, that makes sense.  I bet your recipes do have to stay confidential to compete with Hostess.  Although I like your cakes much better.  So tell me, are there are new treats that are going to be released this Christmas?  I know when the Valentines Day treats came out and you had added Red Velvet cakes, I was in total Heaven.  I’m so anxious to see what’s in store for this Christmas!

Little Debbie: Sir, have you been smoking something?

Me: Not today, why?

Little Debbie: I’ve been answering this phone for over five years and I’ve never been asked any of these questions.

Me: You mean no one has every asked to interview you?  So I’m the first one? [Super excited tone to have an exclusive interview]

Little Debbie: Look sir, this has been interesting and all, but I gotta go now.  It’s time for my smoke break. 

What?  Little Debbie Smokes?  She seems so wholesome.

Me: Okay, well thanks for the interview.

Little Debbie:  Um hmm. [phone hangs up]