Author: Stephanie Walters

I’ve been listening to a lot of Bob Marley lately.  I’m even learning how to play Buffalo Soldier on the Ukulele.  He had a very interesting life and I would absolutely love to interview him.  The only problem is that he’s dead, of course.  So naturally, I pulled out my Ouija Board and held a seance to see if I could get Bob Marley’s spirit to visit so that I could interview his ghost.  And it worked!!!! 

Me:  Oh my God, are you really Baby Marley’s spirit?

Bob: I am.

Me:  I’m a huge fan of yours!

Bob: Awe, thanks!

Me: Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Bob: Not at all.

Me: I recently saw your son, Stephen Marley, play a show, and I’ve seen Damian and Julian in concert too.  How many kids did you have?

Bob: Thirteen, believe it or not.

Me: Wow!  That’s a lot.  How did your wife feel about having so many kids?

Bob: Well, actually, only five of the kids came from my wife.  The rest have different mothers.

Me: So how many baby momma did you have?

Bob: There were nine of them.

Me: Whoa!  That sounds like a lot of Baby Mama drama.

Bob: [Laughs.]. It was at times.

Me: Well, I personally want to thank you for sleeping with all of those women.  It’s resulted in some really amazing music.

Bob:  [Laughs again.]. Well, you’re welcome.

Me: I know weed is legal in Jamaica, and I’m sure you smoked a lot of it back in the day.

Bob:  That’s right.

Me: So, what percentage of the time were you high while playing a show.

Bob: Uh, probably all of the time.

Me: You were 100% high for the hundreds of shows you played?

Bob:  Well yeah that, plus I pretty much stayed high the rest of the time too.

Me: Are you high right now?

Bob: Well, of course.

Me: So, there’s weed in heaven?

Bob:  There’s an endless supply.  There’s so much that you never have to stop being high.

Me: That’s awesome!  Does Jesus smoke with you?  I mean, with his long hair, he totally looks like a rock star, and we all know that rock stars get high.

Bob:  I’m going leave that question alone.  You’ll just have to wait until you get here.  But I do have to go now.  Thanks for bringing me back to earth for a little while.  

Steph: Awe man!  No problem!  Thanks for answering my questions.

Bob: Take care now. [One Love was playing in the background when he disappeared.  Apparently, heaven plays a lot of reggae music, which is totally awesome!)

Interviewing Bob Marley was definitely a thrill!  Plus, conjuring a ghost was totally exciting.  I might have to try this again.  If you could interview a dead person, who would it be and why?  I’ve also included Bob Marley’s Family Tree in case you’re interested.  Damn it!  I forgot to ask for his autograph!  I’m not sure if Ghosts can write, but getting a signature from the dead Bob Marley has got to be worth a lot of money.

Back in my college days, I loved watching MTV.  That’s back when Music Television still aired music.  Every day I watched TRL (Total Request Live), I loved the spring break week shows, and the performances they aired were awesome.  It makes me sad that my former favorite channel now consists of retarded reality shows.  And they pick the stupidest characters they can find.  I don’t want to watch Snookie fall down a flight of stairs because she drank too much.  I want to see Nirvana’s video for Smells Like Teen Spirit.  Sure there were a couple of reality shows on MTV back then.  They had The Real World and Road Rules.  I wasn’t the biggest fan of The Real World, but Road Rules was one of my favorite shows.  The majority of the programming, however, was music, which is what it should be.  

If I wanted to watch reality shows, I could flip to one of dozens of other channels that air them.  But I don’t because most of those shows are ridiculously fake and stupid.  Many people have told me to watch FUSE, which is supposed to be the new channel for music videos.  I’ve watched it a few times and I was not impressed.  It’s no where near as good as MTV was back in the day.  Maybe I’m just getting older and romanticizing my youth.  Or maybe, MTV should apologize for taking away the music and put it back on.  Just sayin’!

I Want My MTV Video

I think it’s funny when someone tells you, “I’m really into music.”  Who the hell isn’t?  Everybody likes some kind of music.  I listen a large variety of music.  I don’t want to be pigeon-holed into just one genre.  The only kind of music I don’t like is country music (yes, I realize I’m from Texas and saying this is a deadly southern sin).  I’m just not particularly fond and listening to people whine, especially while using poor grammar.  And yes I realize that hop hop does the same thing, but at least it’s got a good beat.

So I’m sharing my favorite all time songs with you.Why 17, you ask?Because I couldn’t narrow it down any further and it’s my blog so I can do whatever I want.I’ve linked the songs to YouTube so you can check them out if you want.And don’t judge my taste with the El De Barge and Kris Kross songs.You know you listened to them to back in the day.Don’t lie.

By the way, I’m adding another page to my website that will have this playlist along with some other fantastic playlists so be sure to check that out!

Feel free to share some of your own favorite songs in the comments, and if you see anything on my list that you haven’t heard before, let me know what you think, unless it’s negative.Then I don’t want to hear it.Instead of focusing on my taste in music, you should be more concerned about the real problem which is why you have crappy taste in music. Enjoy!

Stephanie’s Top Favorite 17 Songs

1. Nirvana – Drain You
2. Beastie Boys – Get it Together
3. Rebelution – Mirage
4. The Beatles – Across the Universe
5. The Fugees – Ready or Not
6. Three Days Grace – Animal I have Become
7. Portishead – Only You
8. El De Barge – Rhythm of the Night
9. Kris Kross – Jump
10. Ivan Gough & Fennix Paul – In My Mind
11. Linkin Park – Bleed It Out
12. Radiohead – Talk Show Host
13. Ludacris – Move Bitch
14. The Damning Well – Awakening
15. Chevelle – Send the Pain Below
16. Cowboy Junkies – Sweet Jane
17. Trapt – Still Frame

I feel like having another theme week, so this week’s theme is MUSIC!  I told you before how awesome I am at playing Def Jams Rapstar on the Wii.  That’s how I got my rap name, White-Out.  Well, I ended up at a Karaoke place this past weekend and I decided to test my rap skills out on the stage.  (Okay, actually I lost a bet so I didn’t have much of a choice, but whatever, it must have been my destiney to perform that night.). So naturally, when I had to pick a song, I picked Coolio’s “Gansta’s Paradise”.

I gave it my all and I was quite pleased with my performance when I was done.  I totally thought I had nailed it.  Unfortunately, none of my friends agreed with me.  I was told it was the whitest version of that song that anyone has ever heard.  Apparently, there is no room for proper pronunciation in rap music.  

And, they said I had white girl rhythm.  I’m not sure what in the hell that they meant by that.  I got like at least half of the words out on the right beat.  Come to think of it though, my Ukulele instructor is always telling me he’s going to beat the white girl rhythm out of me eventually.  So maybe they had a point on that one.

They also said that most rappers dance while they rap.  I guess I didn’t move at all on stage.  I know I’m not a good dancer so that’s why I don’t do it in public, but I still think I’m pretty fly for a white girl.  Maybe I just need some fly guys dancing on the stage behind me.  Yeah, that’s got to be it.

Overall, I’d say it was a pretty awesome experience.  I actually kind of want to do it again.  What song should I do next?  Hmmmm.  It’s definitely going to be “Jump” by Kriss Kross.  Yeah, I’m going to have to try that one out this weekend.  Holla!

I love board games.  I have just as much fun playing board games with a group of friends as I do going out.  I even like play kiddy board games with my nieces and nephews while I’m hanging out with them.  Thanks to all of the newer Star Wars movies, there is now a great variety of Star Wars themed classic board games.  I love them all and I’ll bet you’ll like them too.  Here is a list of the Star Wars board games I have found:

• Monopoly
• Risk
• Stratego
• Battleship
• Clue
• Trouble
• Operation
• Trivial Pursuit
• Life
• Chess
• Guess Who
• Family Feud
• Memory

If you love board games as much as I do and you happen to be a Star Wars geek, you have to check these out!

I once ended up in a mental hospital for a couple of weeks.  The story behind me getting committed to a mental hospital is actually kind of funny, but I’ll save that story for another time.  It was at that hospital that I met Fred.  Fred was an elderly gentlemen who seemed pretty friendly and harmless to me.  Everyone called him Crackhead Fred which I didn’t understand at first, until I actually spoke with him. 

It turns out that Fred was homeless, living on the streets of downtown Houston until he was brought to the nut ward.  I’ve also had a fascination with homeless people.  I’ve always wanted to hear their life stories that resulted in them ending up homeless.  So I decided to take this opportunity to interview Fred.  I asked Fred if it would be okay to ask him a few questions about himself and he seemed pretty excited that someone was interested in hearing his story.

Me: So Fred, what brings you to the funny farm?

Fred: My damn boss.  He got mad at me for doing something I wasn’t suppose to be doing at work and so he sent me here.

Me:  Wow, that sucks.

Fred: Yeah it does, I need to get back to work!

Me: Where do you work?

Fred: NASA

Me: You work at NASA?

Fred: Yes ma’am!  I’ve been working there for fifty-two years now. 

Me:  Whoa!  What do you do at NASA?

Fred:  I’m an astronaut!

Me:  You’re an astronaut?

Fred: Yep!

Me: What did you do at work that was bad enough to land you here?

Fred: Well, you see, I was suppose to fly to Jupiter and do some scientific experiments there, but Jupiter was boring!  So I flew out to Pluto and just started flying circles around that tiny little planet.  It was so much fun!  But I stayed too long and when I get back to earth, NASA sent me here as my punishment.  But I gots to go!  I have more missions to complete!  NASA needs me!

Me: Why don’t you just call your boss and ask him to come get you then?

Fred:  They won’t let me use the phone here.  I keep telling them to call NASA and ask about me.  They’ll tell him that I’m a real astronaut!

Me: Maybe I could call for you.  I’m allowed to use the phone.  What’s the number?

Fred: Just call the main number to NASA.  They all know me there.  If you can get me outta here, I’ll take you for a ride in my rocket ship.  I just need to get back into outer space!

It was at this point the orderly came to take us to the cafeteria.  I was actually pretty relieved.  My conversation with Fred went from a little weird but funny, to down right insane.  And I was upset earlier in the day because they took away my shoelaces when I got admitted.  That seemed like a pretty high class problem now.

Fred became my favorite person to talk to though.  He was the most interesting mentally ill person I have ever met.  It turns out that Fred is the recarinated baby Jesus, he used to be the president for Microsoft until he got bored and gave the company to Bill Gates to watch over for him, he met Hitler once, and he had a mansion in downtown Houston that he lived in.  (Hey, mansion/cardboard box, same difference.).  I was ready to get out of that loony bin when the day finally came, but I was also a little sad because I was going to miss Fred’s crazy adventure stories.  I mean, it’s not everyday you get to hang out with a real live astronaut! 

I’ve got a bone to pick with my local grocery store.  I’m not sure if I just like products that no one else likes or what, but I’m getting tired of my favorite items being discontinued and no longer available at the grocery stores near me.  I don’t know if the companies who make these products stopped making them or if my stores just stopped stocking them, but either way, I’m highly irritated that I can’t buy them anymore.

A lot of these items are food items.  In fact, my love of Little Debbie PB&J Oatmeal cream pies is what sparked this rant.  They were one of my favorite snack cakes for the longest time and now I can’t find them anywhere!  I also used to buy Lipton Green Tea in a can a lot.  It was delicious.  I found it in a 12 pack on the soda isle, but not anymore!  There have been lots of item like Bread Pudding in a cup in the dairy section and Coffee Mate Chai Creamer that I no longer see at my local grocery store.  It’s preposterous really!

And it’s not just food items that have disappeared.  I used to buy this Johnson & Johnson Facial Matte Toner to put on under my migraine.  It stopped my face from getting oily all day and for some odd reason, Johnson & Johnson quit making it.  ELF nail polish used to be my favorite nail polish until they stopped selling it.  I had to find a new favorite!

Maybe these items are no longer available because they didn’t sell a lot, but I liked them.  And aren’t I just as important of a consumer as anyone else?  I think so.  It’s hard not to to develop abandonment issues when your favorite products disappear from store shelves.  I just get so attached and then BOOM, I have to quit them cold turkey.  It’s not fair.  Thanks for listening.  Now, I’m going to go eat a substandard oatmeal cremes pie because I no longer have a choice in which kind of oatmeal pies I buy.

So I’m still taking ukulele lessons.  My lesson is still my favorite hour of the week.  There’s a recital coming up this summer (yes, I will probably be the only adult playing in it again, but whatever) and I’m going to play a Queen melody.  I found this awesome Queen book on Amazon.com and it has all of the best Queen Songs.  My melody is going to consist of parts from these songs:

• Bohemian Rhapsody 
• Crazy Little Thing Called Love
• Another One Bites the Duct
• Under Pressure
• We Are the Champions
• We Will Rock You

I picked all of their well-known songs to get the audience pumped.  It’s going to be awesome, unless you know, I screw it up.  But I’m going to practice really hard, so hopefully I won’t.  Wish me luck!  But please don’t tell me to break a leg.  I already did that back in December (literally) and broken bones suck.

My friend posted these adulting stickers on Facebook the other day and I thought they were awesome!  I would do just about anything to get a sticker when I was a kid, so maybe they could work on my adulting responsibilities too.  I would definitely need some customized stickers though to truly motivate me.  Here are some important ones I can think:

• Almost got to work on time.  
• Went all day without eating a corn dog
• Didn’t hit anything on the way to work
• Worked out for over 15 minutes
• Remembered where my keys were this morning
• Didn’t wake up with a hangover
• Opened a jar by myself 
• Almost finished my laundry for the month
• Didn’t drop the “F” bomb in front of any children

What can I say, I set the bar pretty low, but an accomplishment is an accomplishment.  Can there be a participation sticker?  I could totally earn that one, like almost every day.

Warning: This blog post is intended for mature people with an immature sense of humor.  And of course it starts with Star Wars.

I recently found these riddles on a website.  They’re so incredibly corny, yet I’ll bet some of them will put a smile on your face.  Either that, or you’ll look like you’re smiling because the jokes make you absolutely cringe.  Whatever the case may be, you’ve got to read these at least once.  And if you happen to know some additional corny Star Wars jokes, feel free to share them in the comments.

1) What program do Jedi use to open PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

2) Which website did Chewbacca use to share Empire secrets?

Wookieleaks

3) Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?

To get to the dark side

4) Why is Yoda such a good gardener?

He has green fingers

5) Why can’t you count on Yoda to pick up the bar tab?

He’s always a little short

6) Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?

So it doesn’t hang So-Low

7) Which Star Wars character travels around the world?

Globi-wan Kenobi

8) What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun? 

Lukewarm

9) What do you get if you mix a bounty hunter with a tropical fruit? 

Mango Fett

10) Where is the best place to shop for lightsabers? 

The Darth Maul