Author: Stephanie Walters

I was at a party this weekend and I played a super fun game I wanted to tell you about.  It’s called “Heads Up!” and apparently it’s been around for quite a while (I’m just a late bloomer for everything).  The version we played was on an app for your phone.  Basically, you hold the phone with an unknown topic up to your forehead and your friends give you clues to help you figure out what the topic is.  The game is timed so the goal is to see how many topics you can figure out in the allotted time.  This game is especially fun to play after a few drinks, but then what game isn’t.

So I’m a jerk and I totally missed my sister’s birthday last Friday.  Happy super late birthday Lisa!  I’m sorry I didn’t call you on your actual birthday, but come to think of it, I don’t recall getting a phone call from you that day either to see if I was okay.  I could have gotten into a car accident and have been lying in a ditch somewhere.  Or I could have been shot in a random drive-by shooting.  Or I could have been kidnapped by a deranged convict who escaped prison.  You don’t know.  Those things can really happen, even though none of them actually did.  Did it occur to you even once last Friday that maybe I hadn’t called because something bad happened to me?  Yet, no phone call from you checking to make sure I was okay.  That’s a little selfish of you, but I hope you had a great birthday anyway.  Love you!

Some of us are into nerdy guys (by us, I mean “me”).  But trying to date a nerd can present some challenges.  Many of them don’t quite get romantic gestures, flirting, and sexual innuendos.  This makes it hard to let them know that you’re into them and to figure out if they’re into you.  So I thought of a way to do this in their native language and the result is STAR WARS SEXTING!!!  This is sure to get the nerdy guy to notice you and if you happen to be into Star Wars too, BONUS, as you’ll enjoy coming up with sexy Star Wars stuff to say also.  Here are some examples, but be sure to tap into your own creative and twisted mind to come up with some unique ideas.

I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that our population is getting progressively dumber every year.  I have a theory about that.  It seems to me that the less intelligent members of society tend to have way more offspring than the more intelligent members of society (the intelligent members know when to stop to keep from being outnumbered).  Therefore, our population is exponentially expanding with stupid people.  How can we fix this problem?  It’s simple.  Everyone should have to take an IQ test right before they hit puberty.  If they don’t score high enough, they are only allowed to have one child, which essentially will replace them in society.  After that, mandatory sterilization!  I know it seems a bit extreme, but wouldn’t the world be a better place with less Bubbas and more Bill Gates?  I don’t want to take away their right to reproduce all together, I just want to alter the gene pool a little to help prevent us from totally destroying our planet.  I realize that it is a little Hitlerish, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I’m thinking of running for President in a few years with this concept being my main platform.  Do you think I can win???

I love snack cakes and Little Debbie makes the best ones in my opinion.  Whenever their seasonal cakes come out, I get super excited!  (Like way too excited for an adult.)  I can’t help it.  And my favorite all-time Little Debbie Snack comes out in the fall.  The Pumpkin Delight snacks taste like heaven.  And they have a cute little smiley face on them too.  If you haven’t tried them before, I highly recommend that you do.  Don’t worry about feeling embarrassed at the store when you’re buying them.  Just say they’re for your kids.  That’s what I do, and I don’t even have any kids.  Pumpkin Delights are so good I give them all of the stars!

I’ll admit it.  I’m a complete hypochondriac when he comes to getting cancer.  But if you were me, you would be too.  You see, part of my job at the cancer hospital where I work requires me to read lots of medical records.  These records usually describe what caused the patient to seek medical help after they started noticing certain symptoms.  It’s crazy because a lot of these symptoms are normal everyday occurrences for most people.  For example, this one guy started getting the hiccups very frequently.  He even threw up from them a couple of times.  Turns out, he had esophageal cancer!  Another lady started getting a lot of headaches because she actually had multiple brain tumors!  So, whenever I get one of these ordinary symptoms, I panic, and my first thought is, Oh my God!  What if it’s cancer?  I start to freak out until the symptom goes away and I realize I’m just fine.  And then I have to call all of the people I told that I might have cancer and let them know that I don’t.  Because that’s what Cancer Hypochondriacs do, even though it usually leads to me feeling really dumb, which is also an everyday occurrence.

I love the show “Undercover Boss”.  I find it funny watching corporate leaders have to do the jobs they ask their employees to do.  Plus, someone always ends up getting caught doing something wrong which is entertaining too.  When I found this Saturday Night Live video online, I couldn’t help but laugh.  It’s a Star Wars Undercover Boss with Kylo Ren.  If you like the show “Undercover Boss”, you totally have to check this out.  Even if you don’t like the show, you should check out this video anyways, because it’s cool.  And watching it will make you cool…..maybe. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaOSCASqLsE

Here’s the link to Vote for Pedro the Piñata in the costume contest like I promised! Please click on the link below, find Pedro’s picture (see below), and click “like” to vote! There are some cute entries this year, but don’t vote for them because you will cancel out your vote for Pedro. I really appreciate your support!

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10155430969945666&type=3

I like to shop A LOT (too much actually).  The one thing I don’t like about shopping is kids who can’t behave.  I understand that little kids cry sometimes and that a parent may need to dicipline them.  I’m not talking about those kids.  I’m talking about the little turds that do whatever they want while mommy ignores them because she’s busy looking at stuff.  When they climb under the stall into my dressing room, or throw balls at me in the toy section, I let them know that it’s unacceptable, which sometimes leads to a parent telling me I have no business parenting their children to which I reply, “I wouldn’t have too if you would do it.”  I think the best way to deal with this is to have a store employee that goes around the store and gives mild sedatives to the kids who act up (I’m not above drugging them if it works).  That way the kid will chill out and I can enjoy my shopping, and everyone ends up happy in the end.

In honor of Halloween tomorrow, I’m skipping my review this week to show off my dog in his Halloween costume.  That’s right, I dressed my dog as a Piñata.  I know that’s kind of a stereotype since he’s a Hispanic dog, but I did it anyways.  He’s actually in a costume contest on Facebook and I would really appreciate it if you voted for him.  (I’m not above campaigning for my dog to win.)  I’ll post the instructions as soon as voting has started.  And don’t vote for any other dogs because you will cancel out your vote for Pedro!  Thanks for your vote!