Author: Stephanie Walters

I was feeling pretty confident after I made Delilah’s sweater, so I decided to try something a little harder.

I picked out this clutch purse. It may look simple, but it’s made using some very advanced crochet techniques. The tension is very important for this project too, something I have struggled with, but I felt like I was getting better at crocheting and I just knew I could take this one on!

I took my time and did my best, but mine turned out like this.

I know, it kind of looks like a baby bootie or a mini stocking of some sort. It definitely doesn’t look like a clutch purse. As usual I have no idea what went wrong.

I felt a little disappointed to be honest. My last project turned out so well! I’m think I’m going to go back to dog clothes for my next project. At least Delilah’s sweater looked relatively like what it was supposed to. Stay tuned to see what I crochet for my dog next!

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my little doggy, Delilah.  I wanted to make something for her so when I saw a book at Barnes & Noble on how to make Dog Sweaters, I snatched it up!  There were a lot of sweater patterns to choose from, but this one looked absolutely adorable so I decided to make it.

It was so much fun to make and will be useful this winter too.  I learned a lot of new crochet techniques in the process which is cool, and I have to say it turned out amazing!

Isn’t it absolutely adorable? Practice makes perfect!  Okay, so it didn’t come out exactly like the picture in the book but I think mine is way cuter.  It feels so good knowing that someone can wear something I made out in public, even if it is a dog!

I am currently looking for my next project, so if you have any ideas, let me know!

I used to always hope for the best when I do stuff. Now, I don’t mind the worst if it’s funny.

Stephanie Walters

Since I’ve mastered scarves and hats, I wanted to make something different.  Something practical that could actually be of use.  I flipped through my crochet books and found the coolest purse to make.  Here’s what it was supposed to look like:

Here’s my first attempt:

It came out a little crooked.  I was told it looked like a grandma sex swing.  I was a little disappointed it turned out this way.  I followed the pattern exactly (I think) but the tension of the yarn probably caused the odd shape.  Tension is the hardest part of crochet and it takes lots of practice to get it down right.

I’m not a quitter (sometimes) so I tried again and it came out much better this time:

The only problem with this one is that it came out really small.  Like, it will hold your keys and maybe a smaller cell phone but that’s about it.  Basically it holds what you could fit in your pockets.  But it is cute and stylish!

I think it’s appropriate to say that I have mastered purses now, so I’m moving on to something new.  I realize that my projects come out really screwy, but it’s still a lot of fun so I’m going to keep on doing it! Stay tuned to find out what’s next!  It will be my best project yet!

“If I only did stuff I was good at, I would never do anything. Okay, maybe math. I could do math.”

-Stephanie Walters

I’m not really one to admit defeat very easily, so I decided to make another scarf, an easier and quicker to make scarf.  So I picked this one:

Kinda cute, right?  This time, I studied all of the instructions carefully before starting.  I counted each stich to make sure I had the correct number in each row.  It was fun to make and I learned some new crochet techniques!  But this is how mine turned out:

It’s a little short, I know.  I was starting to feel like Goldilocks, too long then too short.  I needed to make one just right, so I tried again.  And the result was:

Still not perfect, but much better!  I’m going to go ahead and say I’ve mastered scarves.  Time to move onto something more difficult.  Stay tuned to my blog to find out what.

It’s totally okay to do stuff you suck at as long as it’s still fun and you don’t mind people laughing at you.

Stephanie Walters

Life has been pretty stressful, so I deciding to take up crocheting again. It really is a great stress reliever, plus, it’s fun and it results in some pretty cool shit to clutter up my house even more.

I decided to take a break from hats for awhile though (since my last project didn’t turn out quite as expected) and try something a little easier, so I picked out a scarf to make. I wanted something basic, yet stylish as I was determined to make something I could actually wear in public.

Here’s the scarf I decided to make:

It seemed straightforward enough. I followed the instructions exactly! I just knew I was going to end up with a masterpiece scarf!

Here’s how mine turned out:

It didn’t actually quite turn out the way I had hoped. Mine is a lot bigger and kind of looks like a giant piece of bacon. (Special thanks to my niece Alex for being brave enough to model it for me and agreeing to let me post her picture in this ridiculous scarf on the internet.).

I don’t know what happened, but I’m not willing to admit complete defeat. Maybe…this style will catch on and become the new popular accessory this fall. You never know! My niece said it was really warm. Maybe if I send it to a fashion designer it will end up on a major runway this year and I’ll make a butt ton of money. A girl can always dream.

I’m not giving up on scarves just yet. I found another one I want to make so stay tuned to my blog. You don’t want to miss my my next catastrophe of a crochet project!

Here’s my latest crochet masterpiece.  It was supposed to be a beanie like this: 

I’m not sure what went wrong, but a golfer from the 50s would think this hat is awesome!  I followed the instructions, I swear.  At least I thought I was following the instructions, but this is how it came out!

At least it fits on my head this time I guess.  I will say making it was a great stress reliever.  It was fun even though it didn’t exactly turn out the way it was supposed to.  I actually find it quite stylish.  Maybe I’ve just created a new trend.  Maybe everyone is going to want to wear one.  I could become rich off this piece of crap!

That settles it.  I’m taking orders.  If you want one of these amazing hats, leave the colors you want in the comments below and I will put your hat on the list of hats to make.  And for the very low price of $49.99, you can have a one-of-a-kind Stephanie original!  You can’t beat that for a designer hat.  And for a limited time, I’m including free shipping!!!!  So order yours today!

I’ve realized recently that I’m no spring chicken anymore. It started last Friday night. I was bored so I decided to channel my inner grandma and learn how to crochet. A couple of hours later, I found myself crocheting while watching the game show network. Apparently, I am 65 years old on the inside.

It got me thinking and I started to see how I was turning into my parents when they were my age. Here are some things I have said recently:

1. “Today’s music sucks! Music in the 90s was way better than this!”
2. “That movie doesn’t start until 9 o’clock? That’s way too late for me!”
3. “Why do they have to make this print so small?”
4. “Why the hell do people find it necessary to drive down my street with their music blaring?”
5. “I’m so glad they put speed bumps on my street. People drive entirely too fast down it.”

Also, I basically live in a retire community. All of my neighbors are senior citizens, and I love it because old people are quiet!

Now that I think about it, I already act like a grandma in a lot of ways. I love to bake pies and cookies, sew quilts, and knit sweaters. Plus, an afternoon nap is a requirement for me. And I kind of talk like a grandma sometimes too, using words like “spring chicken”.

It didn’t help that my eyes started acting weird and I went to the eye doctor, nervously awaiting bad news that I had some sort of eye disorder. She walked into the room and said, “You need reading glasses. It’s normal at your age.”

I can’t ignore all of the evidence. I am getting older. But until someone puts me in a nursing home, I’m going to jam to my 90s music (at a reasonable volume of course) while driving slowly down my street to a matinee movie and pull out my reading glasses so I can use the ticket machine. So there!

No, I’m not talking about summertime in Texas. I’m talking about something so much better! My weight loss! I haven’t blogged in quite awhile but a lot has happened since I blogged last. One of the most exciting things is that I joined Weight Watchers and I have now lost 70 pounds! Crazy, I know! If anyone thought that was completely impossible, it was me! But I’m not writing today to brag about my accomplishment. I’m really writing today to talk about how much I suck at exercising.

Part of my weight loss journey has included starting to exercise. I don’t really like to exercise. I’d rather just starve myself. It’s way easier. But since I decided to get “healthy”, I realized this required me to become active. An activity I decided to try recently was a step aerobics class. I’ve never been good at sports or anything athletic, so I’m not sure why I thought it would be a good idea for me to sign up for a step aerobics class. But I did, and I soon discovered that my white girl rhythm, lack of coordination, and crappy balance (my Wii always told me I was unbalanced, the bastard was right) makes me suck really bad at step aerobics. Like really, really bad. Like, it there were step aerobics teams, I would get picked last…every…single…time. I can’t keep up with the instructor, I almost fall off the step at least 10 times per class, and I can’t make my body do the sequences she does (mainly because my memory sucks and I get my left and my right confused sometimes).

But you know what? I don’t care. I do it anyways. If I can’t keep up with the instructor, I just make up my own moves. I’m still moving and getting exercise which was the whole point in signing up for the class anyway. I make sure to stay in the back in the special aerobic ed section so I don’t mess anyone else up. And I could care less what anyone else in the class thinks of me. That’s a benefit you get by sucking at almost every group activity you have ever tried. The morale of this story is: don’t be afraid to suck at something. If you still enjoy doing it, do it no matter how crappy you are at it. Life is too short to miss out on things you really want to do, but don’t because you might make an ass of yourself.