So ho ho ho day is coming up. I’m not talking about Halloween when it’s okay to dress like a total slut without being one. I’m talking about Christmas. And since Christmas is right around the corner, who better to interview than Santa himself! It was hard to catch up with him this time of year but I managed to grab a few minutes with him.
Me: Oh my God, Santa Clause! I can’t believe I’m getting to meet you!
Santa Clause: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!
Me: So it’s true! You really do exist!
Santa Clause: Of course I exist young lady.
Me: Then why haven’t you brought me any presents for over thirty years?
Santa: Have you been naughty this year?
Me: No, but I can be if Mrs. Clause doesn’t mind and it will get me presents. [laughs]
Santa: Oh wow! What would you like for Christmas?
Me: Um, I really want this super expensive dress at Macy’s and definitely some new shoes that match!
Santa: Okay, then. Smile for the camera!
Me: You brought a photographer to this interview? That’s so awesome. Can I get a copy of the picture for my blog?
Santa: You can for $25. Ho! Ho! Ho!
Me: What?
Santa: Look lady, I don’t know what you deal is, but you have to get off my lap now. There’s a ton of kids waiting and the department store pays me based on the number of pictures I sell. Merry Christmas!
Me: You mean you’re not the real Santa?
Santa: Of course not. I retired from my crappy job too soon and now I need more money. This was the only gig I could get at my age.
I felt heart broken as I walked away. I so thought I was interviewing the real deal. Oh well. At least I got a free candy cane and an overpriced picture out of the interview.
Stephanie Walters 